A Letter To Dad

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premenition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing this. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Barbara and she is so nice even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight motorcycle clothes.

It's not only passion Dad, but she's pregnant and Barbara said that we will be very happy. Even though you don't care for her as she is much older than me.

She already owns a trailer in Alabama and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. She wants to have many more children with me and thats now one of my dreams too. Barbara taught me marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with her friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the mean time we'll pray that science finds a cure for AIDS so Barbara can get better; she sure deserves it!! Don't worry dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your Son,

Jake

P.S. Dad, none of this is true. I'm over at Jimmy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card which is in my desk center drawer. I love you!! Call when it's safe to come home!!